Chapter One-Hundred-and-Twenty: On the Brink

It's that feeling you get right before you jump.
When you're on the edge of the diving board, peering down at the rippling water. Or that feeling when you're on the front seat of the roller coaster, and you feel the cart begin to tip towards the drop. Or when you're about to step on the stage and feel the heat of the spotlight.
It's that feeling in your core that keeps your feet planted on the ground while your heart is full of feathers and ready to take flight.

On February 10th, I found out that I had passed my teacher certification test. This means that not only can I move forward in my degree program, but it also means that I am certified to teach 4th-8th grade students math and science.
Before I took my test, I was unbelievably nervous. My college experience has been grand, but it has had its fair share of doubts and downfalls. I've failed tests, doubted my abilities, and stayed awake at night asking God, "Is this really what You want of me?" I cannot tell you how many times I've come home from the classroom feeling defeated because I said one wrong thing or didn't understand why a 13 year old could say such hurtful things.
But there are also good days.
There were days where I had helped a student understand what the big word "reciprocal" meant by doing a funny dance move, or days where I had led a whole lesson and could feel the excitement from the kids. There were days where a student's light bulb illuminated, which in turn illuminated my own heart.
Teachers know those are the days we keep fighting for.
Up until now, my future graduation and career seemed far away. Distant. I, of course, knew it was bound to happen, but didn't think much about it. However, when I had received the good news that I had passed my certification test, it was like being rushed to the front of the line. I was suddenly swept into this path that had propelled me forward, where my feet rocked from the sudden change and my arms were swinging to keep me from falling off the cliff into the valley of future unknowns. I was suddenly placed into this position where I had a clear line of sight ahead of me: my life as a teacher.
Keep in mind, my graduation isn't for another year, but I still feel right on the edge of it all. On the Brink.

And it feels exhilarating.

Ms. Lane Reporting for Duty

Photo Credit: Justin Salgado @justineatworld_ 

One thing that makes this whole experience more gratifying and, honestly, more fun, is my amazing support I have wherever I go. My parents have always had my back when it comes to school and personal achievements, but my friends here in Lubbock have definitely helped me in nearly all areas of my life. This won't be a long post, but I wanted to post about my current feelings as well as give a big THANK YOU to all in my life that have helped me become the person I am today!

Car selfies are the best

My roommates are the people who quite literally see me at my worst and best. They see me when I'm glowing and on top of the world as well as hangry, sleepy, and nearly insane. I love them dearly and enjoy spending most of my time with them. This includes baking cookies at night as well as going out to watch football on Superbowl Sunday! My crew is pretty cool.

Super Bowl Sunday vibes

Discussion board (feat. Jon)

I can't forget my awesome classmates: my cohort. Thanks for being a cool group and making class not as lame as it could be. I think we all know that the mid-level education majors are the most fun (and weird) out of the whole bunch - and I wouldn't want it any other way.

:)

Happy Birthday, Sam!

A huge source of support comes from the Catholic Student Association. They are such a fun group of guys and gals that are not only full of joy and laughter - but also help lead me and others to Christ everyday! I am so thankful to have been swept into this organization from the get-go of college... I'm not sure how I would have survived all of the highs and lows without these awesome people. 

Friends!

Buddies!

Pals!

Hello~

Of course I must mention my boyfriend, who puts up with my silliness and crazy self (of course I do the same for him, so it's a good deal). He's the first person who hears of my woes, achievements, worries, and just about anything! I'm so thankful that Luke and I have been there for each other through, quite literally, our entire college experience. It's been fun learning and growing together over the past few years. 

:\

And of course, the most prominent and obvious support of all - my Lord. 

There are many times that I questioned why God was calling me to teaching. It doesn't pay much. It means I have to return to the classrooms (after preaching I would never return). It means spending 8+ hours with students who do not care to learn, do not respect others, and are mean, confused, brash... I could go on. But when I go to middle school and see these young adolescents, I see Christ. What I mean by that is that these children, while young, are smart, kind, and have love that needs to be seen and acknowledged as well as nurtured. I'm not going to be a teacher to be a mother for these kiddos, but I feel that God's answer to my questions of "why" is these kids' smiles. 

The success, joy, laughter, and all aspects of my life are because of my Lord. I continue to adore and praise Him hope I can continue down this path with joy in my heart. I'm on the brink of so much ahead, but my feet are planted firm knowing that my Lord is holding my hand. 

Thanks be to God!

As always, thanks for reading! Please pray for me and my friends as we continue to grow and learn on our own unique paths!