Chapter Two: The Whole Story

Do you ever do something and wish you could change just one slight thing?
I think we all do.


Today I, along with many other high school students in the United States and Canada, took the Advanced Placement Chemistry exam. Don't worry, College Board, I will not be releasing any information about the test, especially since mine is void at this point. The reason why I wish to talk about this is because I feel like I have been cheated out of my education. I don't really blame anyone...this whole year in chemistry has been pretty hectic. But it just makes me sad.

So...here's our story.

I remember at the end of my junior year, I had decided I wanted to take AP Chemistry. A lot of students who took it that year tried to shy me away from it.
"It's really hard!"
"You should take AP Biology instead."
But I was determined. I knew in my heart that if I worked hard enough, I could get something out of that class. Since I want to be a pharmacist, chemistry is essential.
I remember a really nice woman coming into my science and math class, advertising AP Chemistry. She promised us lots of things: interactive labs, field trips... She told us she was due to have her baby close to the beginning of school, so we wouldn't see her for awhile. But she promised that she had everything taken care of. And I believed her.
We were told to memorize a couple of things before school started, such as the diatomic elements, lab equipment names, etc. No biggie.
We met our substitute that would be with us for the first 10 weeks of school. She was a political science major, God bless her heart, and didn't know a thing about chemistry. But, once again, we were reassured that everything was under control, our teacher had provided her with everything she could possibly need, and we were going to be just fine.
Well, we were fine until we got our first test scores back.

Yeah.

Well, here in my district, we have the opportunity to correct failures...but we could not ask for help from our substitute because, once again, she didn't know anything about chemistry. We were also assigned work online via Mastering Chemistry, but that didn't work for some odd reason. We were stuck.

And we remained this way for 10 weeks. 

We were all looking forward to it: the return of our teacher. Everything will work out once she's here. But then, we were told she wasn't coming back for another two weeks. Problem was, the substitute had used all of the prepared lessons within those 10 weeks. We were, once again, stuck. 

Here is where I regret a little. I wish I was more responsible and opened up my book myself, taught myself something. Heck, I wish I had went to a regular chemistry teacher and just asked to learn my basics. It was too late to switch out of that class...and besides, I'm stubborn. I wanted to succeed. 

I neeeeed it!

Two more weeks go by and we get an email Friday night, the Friday before our teacher is supposed to return. It was our chemistry teacher, alerting us that she would not be returning. 

I remember feeling absolutely defeated. 

At that point, I knew chemistry was never going to be the same. And it wasn't. After our teacher left, Administration had to scramble to find someone...not only a chemistry teacher but also someone AP certified. The odds were not in our favor. 

We were with the Head of the Science Department for awhile. And then we got our "new" teacher - straight out of college, young, chemistry teacher. She had never taught in her life, and she honestly didn't know where to start with us. Once again, we changed teachers, to our current teacher. She had been teaching at our school for awhile, but never had taught an AP class. I admit, I did gain a little hope with this new teacher. 

You can do it!

However, this was at the second semester, about 5 months from the AP exam. Compared to others, we definitely had a terribly late start. But, like I said, I had hope. 

My hope was short-lived, however. 

My new teacher was the opposite of organized. Nothing was ever planned, and nothing ever went accordingly. At first I told myself it was because she literally just picked up the class, (Come on, Sarah, give her a break. Let her adjust...) but after 12 weeks, you think something would happen. Now, I am not writing this to complain about my teacher. I think she is one of the sweetest people, but picking up AP Chemistry involved a lot more than any of us expected. Like I said, I don't blame anybody for our lack of education, but I just wish things could have gone differently. 

Today I took my AP Chemistry exam, and I tried. I read every question, and felt my heart drop with every single one of them. On the free-response, I even tried...but it was obvious. I didn't know enough. So, I decided to write a letter. A letter of apology:

Dear Reader,

I just want to apologize for my complete lack of work/answers. I hate to waste your time, honestly. I don't know how these things are graded, (maybe you are the lucky one who gets to read the responses to one question a thousand times) but I am going to repeat this on every answer: I am not an idiot. The work I have provided on this test most certainly makes me look like a fool who is completely unprepared for the future...and maybe I am. Maybe I'm just kidding myself. I just feel like a simple score of a 1 or a 5 cannot possibly reflect the countless hours my classmates and I have spent relentlessly trying to learn. And I find that sad. 

You might have already thrown my answer into the "Graded" pile....which is fine. I don't expect an ounce of sympathy. I simply just want to say sorry. I desperately wish I could have provided you with an answer worth reading. 

Sincerely, 

Sarah Lane

*Tear* 

Yeah, I think I'm going to go home and cry. Especially since I think I put my name on the free response, I voided my test. 

Major bummer...

I suppose I wanted to write this to vent, but also because this is a lesson for me. This year, I've really learned that, if I want something bad enough, I need to work hard for it. I can't just sit back and hope someone will put in the effort, because, honestly, I can't expect that. That's so sad that I can't, but I need to learn to take the initiative to get not only what I want, but also what I need.